The Journal of the Walking Wounded
by Spotlight92
Summary: A future- fic. Skipper and the team return from a mission. Without Private. Skipper writes about what happened. No slash. Character death. Read and Review! FINISHED. I am remaking this soon.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a one- shot. Maybe longer if I get reviews to continue it. All disclaimers apply. Journal entry 1- Skipper: I'm back from me and my team's latest mission. It was the worst yet. Blowhole managed to catch us. We beat him. That's for sure. He will not come back after this battle. Even though he went down, he didn't go down without a fight. He was about to shoot me with a ray gun, when Private jumped in and saved me. Why did he do that? He didn't have to. We lost Private. When we buried him, Kowalski was sniffling. Hey, even Rico shed a few tears. But me? The one that he risked his life for? I just stood there. With a stern face. No feeling or anything. Why am I like this? Showing no concern like that. I guess I'm walking wounded. A/N: Should I continue? Just review and tell me if I should with some ideas and suggestions. 


	2. Chapter 2: My Pride

A/N: Well, I'm continuing. Disclaimers apply. Journal entry 2- Skipper: I still haven't cried. Today had been difficult. This morning, when the boys and I were training, Julien came and asked us where Private was. He didn't ask like that. He actually asked where the little penguin was. Kowalski excused himself and went into HQ. Rico turned away from Julien and covered his face. That should of made me cry. But I didn't. I actually said something that I regret. I yelled "What does it matter? He is little! Unimportant! Now leave it alone!" Julien shot me an indignant look and left. Rico shot me an angry glance. "Get back to work!" I yelled at him. I jumped into HQ and sat on a chair. Why did I say that? Private was important. He was like my child. My son. I disrespected him. I got angry and broke the table. Kowalski came out of the lab. He had slightly red eyes and a shocked look on his face. When I saw him, I stopped. "Kowalski, it's nothing. Go back to what you were doing," I said, calmed down. He went back in the lab and I sat back down. I really want to cry. I guess my pride is getting in the way. A/N:Next chapter done! Tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3: My Nightmares

A/N: A depressing chapter. Read at your own risk. Disclaimers apply. Journal entry 3- Skipper: I hate him. I hate Private. I hate his British accent. I hate his obsession to Peanut Butter Winkies. I hate his bravery. I hate that he jumped into the line of fire. I hate that he got hit. And he just laid there. And the last thing he said was "I did this for you." then he chuckled. I hate the image he left in my head. The image of his head jerking up then going limp. The blood that was left on me after I carried him. The eyes he left open after his death. He is the source of my pain. My sufering. My nightmares.A/N: Sad right? Leave your sadness in the reviews!


	4. Chapter 4: My Soul, My Heart

A/N: Happy New Year! All disclaimers apply. Journal entry 4- Skipper: Today Marlene came over. We didn't tell the rest of the animals what happened to Private so she came and asked where he was. I just turned around to make sure I didn't yell at her. Rico explained it to her though. Kowalski just sat by himself. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry. Ooh, Private," She said starting to drop tears. I just sat down by myself, grumbling. Marlene saw me and asked me if she could talk to me alone. I said yes and she cleared the other two outside. "Skipper, I know what's happening to you," she told me. "The military says not to show feeling but you can, Skipper. Just try," It sounded like she was giving me an intervention. I stared at the ground. "Fine, I'll show you a feeliing," She grabbed me and planted kisses onto my beak. "How does that make you feel?" I looked at her. "I can feel feelings, Marlene. I love you but I think I can deal with this on my own," Marlene was shocked. It was a mixture of me telling that I love her and from me not taking her help. She left without another word and I was left by myself. That's how I feel on the inside: lonely and by myself. No one knows how my soul is striveling or how my heart is darkening. Or how my will to live is disappearing. A/N: Ooh... What do ya think? Please comment.


	5. Chapter 5: My Memory of the Mission

A/N: Thank you loyal readers, favoriters, and reviewers. You are greatly apprectiated. I don't own anything! Journal entry 5- Skipper: This all started with that mission. That freaking mission. Blowhole was planning to make a n aquatic army that could breath on land. We snuck in as always but he caught us in a cage. That cage must have been made of plastic because we all busted through. Kowalski ran to the machine that was going to make the army. Rico, Private, and I were left to beat Blowhole. Luckily, we beat up all the lobsters before hand. This is where it got violent. Kowalski had stopped the machine and Blowhole was furious. "This is the last time you and your silly pen- gu- in group sabatoge my plans!" He pulled out a ray gun. That thing was like a real gun only there was no chance of survival. He aimed it at me. I was trained for moments like this. "Go down with dignity," I kept playing in my head. I gave a little smirk. He should've shot me then but he took those fake T.V dramatic pauses. I looked at Private who's face was scrunted in thought. That's when he ran in front of me and pushed me out off the way. "Private what are you..." I had no time to finish when Blowhole pressed the button. The ray hit him right in the stomach. Of course Blowhole was aiming down but he probably meant for it to hit him in the head. Kowalski and I ran over to , who was angry, spit out a piece of dynamite and threw it at Blowhole. He got blown up and we beat him. But Private, poor Private bleed to death. I carried Him out of the lair, covered in blood. I keep seeing all those images when I hear "Private". Writing in this journal might get things off my chest but it doesn't help me. Nothing can. I'm stuck like this. If only I could feel relief. A/N: Did you like this chapter? Please tell me you did. Review and tell me what you thought.


	6. Chapter 6: My Meltdown

A/N: You've waiting longg enough. All disclaimers apply. Journal entry 6- Skipper: I've decided to take over Kowalski's lab. It's the only room that can lock and I don't want to confront anybody. Not after today. I was sitting in HQ, thinking real hard and drinking fish coffee. I can't remember what I was thinking about, but it had to do with Private. That's when Rico came running in. He started to babble rapidly. "Slow down, soldier!" I yelled. Rico stopped. "Marene tat!" He managed out. "Marlene's habitat?" Rico just nodded his head. I honestly thought that something was wrong with Marlene. Rico and I ran for the habitat. I went in half scared to see what was inside. It was just Marlene and Kowalski just standing there. Rico walked over and started standing next to them. "Skipper, we think you need help expessing your feelings," Said Marlene. Kowalski walked over to me. "Holding in your feelings only make the pain worse," I looked at them. "No, I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I grunted. I looked at them and smiled the best I could. I probably looked pitiful. I had dark circles around my eyes. Marlene shook her head. "You're not fine. Not after Private died. You've been solitary and angry," Kowalski nodded. "We know why you're angry. We know you miss Private," I got angry. I don't know why. I guess because it was true. "No! You want to know why I'm angry! It's because 'friends' like you don't know how to leave me the hell alone!" I stomped out of the habitat. "And I don't miss Private! I glad he's dead! He was dead weight!" I got into HQ. Furious, I threw Private's things on the floor. His fish trophy and his winkies. All the while, screaming "I hate you!" Then I hit the T.V and broke it. I didn't stop hitting it until I sensed the others behind me. I looked at them, a crazy look on my face. They gasped at the damage and I ran to the lab. They stopped trying to get in hours ago. I don't need them. I'll be happy soon enough. As long as they the hell away from me! 


	7. Chapter 7: The Voice in my Head

A/N: Hey! I finally got the hang of this paragraphing thing! All disclaimers apply

Journal entry 7- Skipper: I woke up this morning and looked around. I was in Kowalski's lab.

"The jerk must have put me in here" I thought. I opened the door and looked around. No one was there. That made me happy.

I walked back into the lab after I made myself a cup of fish coffee. I didn't want to take a chance and talk to those people. While I sat and drunk the coffee, I heard a voice.

"Skippah?" I looked around. I didn't see anyone.

"Private? What are you doing?" I heard another voice. I dropped my coffee.

"Leave me alone! Please!" I put my flippers on my head.

"I did it for you," I realized that I was hearing what happened on the mission. The sounds then just suddenly stopped. It stayed like that for a while. Until another voice talked.

"Skipper, you killed Private. It was your fault,"

"No it wasn't! He did it to himself!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The voice chuckled.

"You sat there and watched what happened. You had time to jump in front of the beam," The voice was right. I had at least 4 seconds to jump in. "It was your fault, you killed him. He'll never forgive you," I put my flippers on my face.

"It was my fault! It was!" At that moment, I started to sob. "I'm sorry, Private!" I said between each sob. "I miss you I never meant those things I said," My voice wavered as I spoke. After what seemed like forever, I finally stopped and calmed down. I didn't feel angry but I felt hollow and empty. Like something was missing. I'm going to stay in the lab. Those people can't talk to me. I still don't feel right somehow and I don't know how to fix it. All I know is that I can figure it out myself.


	8. Chapter 8: A Mad Penguin, A Crazy Idea

A/N: This chapter is a bit saddening. Hope you like it! I don't own PoM.

Journal entry 8- Skipper

I sat there in the dark. I didn't deserve light. I realized yesterday that I killed Private. I could've responded but I was too slow. The voice kept playing in my mind. It kept telling me how much Private hated me for letting him die. I occasionly yelled at the voice to shut the hell up. It worked and I quietly sat there listening to nothing. I stayed in the quiet for a while. That was until I started seeing things.

I looked around the empty room and saw Private. He was crying. I looked at him. I wanted to hug him, tell him everything was okay but it wasn't. For both of us. He was dead and I felt that way.

He looked pitiful. He was bloody and scarred.

"Private?" I whispered. He shot a look at me.

"Don't talk to me you selfish bastard! You let me die for you! You didn't stop me!" I stared at him. Was he that mad? " Just die okay?" I stood up and walked next to him. When I was right next to him, he disappeared.

"You heard him, kill yourself," The voice in my head said.

"That wasn't Private, he'd never say that!" The voice chuckled.

"How do you know that? He's angry. Angry at you. You caused him pain. An eternity of pain," I wondered if it was true. I thought that there was no pain after death.

I started thinking about it. Should I kill myself? I will have a burden off my shoulders. I wouldn't be depressed. I could make it quick and painless. No one will miss me.

I let the idea float in my head as I drifted off. I was woken up by sound of Kowalski's voice from the door.

"Uh, Skipper, are you okay?" He whispered.

"Like you care," I angrily grunted.

"I do care but Marlene cares more. She hasn't stopped crying after your outburst. Go talk to her... Think about it," I sat there, in silence as he walked out. That gave me more to think about. A/N: Loved it? Hated it? Tell me in a review! 


	9. Chapter 9: A Sad Scene, A Plan

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I appreciate it!

Journal entry 9- Skipper:

I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday. I heard loud sobs and sniffles. I realized that it was coming from outside the door.

I opened the lab door a smidge and saw no one. I guessed it was coming from out of HQ. I opened the fish bowl and saw a scene. It was Marlene, Kowalski, and Rico. They all looked like they were crying at some point but Marlene was the one who was sobbing. I stared out.

"He's not like that! He was never like that! Why now?" Marlene cried. Kowalski, eyes rimmed red, patted her back.

"We lost Private. You know how much he cared for him," Rico, his face stained with tears nodded his head. "And it was the way we lost him. He was shot. He died in his flippers, Marlene," Her eyes widened when she heard this.

"But why doesn't he let us help him," Marlene said, still in tears. She looked at Kowalski.

"He's not used to sharing feelings. He is used to toughing it out," I stared at the pain and the sorrow on their faces. Was I causing this much distress? Why are they worrying about me anyway? I'm my own person.

I slowly lowered the fish bowl and went back into the lab. I needed to think over alot of things that were in my mind. I dreamed of what would happen if I was gone.

I woke up and walked out of HQ. I knew what my plan was and how I would do it. I got myself a fish coffee and walked out of HQ. I walked to Marlene's habitat where I knew for sure they would be. "Good morning," I said crisply. That's when The Voice started speaking to me.

"Why are you talking to these people again?"

"Because they are my friends," I said back. They all sat up from where they were sleeping and looked at me in shock.

"Skipper, you came out!" Kowalski said.

"Yea... Time for some training," Marlene saw me, cheered, and gave me a hug. I smirked. My plan was falling into play. The illusion was set.


	10. Chapter 10: Make Them Feel The Same 1

A/N: Don't... Kill... Me...

Journal Entry 10- Skipper:

The boys were easily persuaded that I was okay. I had to let them think I was okay so'd they'd stop disturbing me with their petty tears and pleas. After I go through with my plan, they'd understand why I acted the way I did. But to keep them in my masquerade, I did what the normal Skipper would've done: I did drills and slapped them silly. They were actually happy about that! This afternoon, I told them that I still needed space. Of course they obeyed and went over to Marlene's place. Sometimes, I wonder about those saps.

Well, now its about twenty three hundred hours. I'm awake and I'm having company. Who, you might ask? Well, there's Julien, for starters. And Maurice. And Mort... That's about it. What are we doing? Well, we're watching TV... And having a snack... And tying each others to chairs. Well, I did all the tying. I'm not CRAZY or anything, but I'm just keeping them hostage. They're my way to drive the idea of loss into everyone elses hard skulls! They weren't affected about Private's death like I was. They didn't care like I did. But it did cause sympathy looks. Now here's where my plan comes in. If 1 death causes sympathy, then 3 more would cause total depression. Smart, huh? I need to kill off the three least sympathetic beings in this zoo. You heard? THIS is what you get for not CARING! Heh, they're sympathetic now. It's TOO LATE! Everyone's going to know how I was feeling. Like death was consuming the world. Like everything was lost. They're going to know now!

_ Skipper closed his journal and turned to the petrified lemurs. His eyes were wild and feathers ruffled. In his flippers now is a piece of broken TV screen. He needed them to die. He needed everyone to feel as cold and empty on the inside as he did. He wanted them all to suffer._

A/N: I'll update my other stories when an idea strikes me. Don't hate me, please! Hate writer's block and test prep! 


	11. Chapter 11: Make Them Feel The Same 2

A/N: This chapter is by outside narration.

Skipper walked closer to the restrained lemurs, looking like a hungry lion closing in on its immobile prey. They were also gagged with duct tape so they wouldn't wake anybody. "Oh, they'll see how it feels. To actually feel the IMPACT of an important death. I've had 1 but they'll have 4!" Skipper ranted to himself as he got to Julien. He held the shard of glass to his throat and right before he ended the King's life, Marlene walked in.

"Sorry to disturb you bbut I wanted to see how you were - What the Hell?" Marlene screamed as she saw the tied up lemurs and Skipper holding the glass.

"Get outta here Marlene! This is guy stuff!" Marlene ran over to him and grabbed his flipper away from Julien's neck. He shed a tear of gratitude.

"Skipper! You can't kill them!"

"Why not! Blowhole killed Private! Why can't I kill too?" She stared at him. He looked completely nuts.

"You... You just can't!" She tried to grab the glass from him but he flinched away.

"You don't know what it feels like. Losing the most important person in your life. Seeing him die right in front of you and not being able to do anything!" Skipper sobbed a bit. Marlene patted his back but Skipper pushed her away.

"You need to feel what I feel! You kept bothering me with your tears for ME! They should've been for Private! You need to understand!" His eyes flamed with anger.

"No Skipper! I'm sorry about Private but you just can't kill them!" She stared into his crazed eyes. He started to calm down.

"Fine," He grabbed Marlene's paw and put the glass in it. "Then kill me. I can't take the pain anymore. The emptiness is killing me anyway. Just finish the job," Tears slid down both their faces.

"Skipper, I... I can't..."

"Fine, I'll do it myself," Skipper tried to grab the glass back but Marlene held it away.

A/N: Two updates to make up for the delay. 


	12. Chapter 12: They Feel the Same

Skipper gave Marlene a menacing look. He felt the anger surge through his body. He wanted to punch her. But as quickly as the feeling came, it vanished, leaving him with an unbearable pain.

"Why do you want me to be in pain?" Skipper fell to the ground near Marlene's feet. "Why are you trying to prevent me from being happy?" Marlene felt a tinge of guilt.

"Killing yourself isn't an option, Skipper!" She felt tears building up. "Think about the rest of the team,"

"They don't need me! They're fine by themselves,"

"No they're not! All the time they've been staying with me, they've been mourning the loss of their two best friends," Marlene knelt on the floor next to Skipper. "They missed you... And you weren't even gone," The words sank into Skipper.

"What about Private? Were they mourning Private?"

"Even more so than they were you. They were sobbing day and night. They feel the pain as much as you do," Skipper ran a flipper over his eyes.

"It seems that they do..."

"They need you here to help them get through. To mourn with them," Skipper fell silent for a moment. "Skipper?"

"Release the lemurs. They don't need to be here anymore," Marlene stood up and untied the lemurs. In a flash the shot out of their seats and booked it. "Bring the guys," Marlene was about to leave but looked at him, worriedly. "I'm not even gonna try," Marlene nodded and ran out.

A couple of minutes later, Marlene brought them to the HQ. They looked like she told them what happened and they stood awkwardly. Skipper half-smiled and opened his flippers. He walked up to Kowalski and Rico and pulled them intoo hugs.

"I'm back," Skipper felt the team hug him back. "I'm here," They three group hugged and Rico let out a soft sob. Skipper knew they'd get through this... Together. 


	13. Chapter 13:Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

Journal Entry 3287: Skipper

It's been 8 years today that Private pasted away. We had long ago set up a memorial for the little penguin near his grave. We all went today, Kowalski, Rico, Marlene. We mostly just stood in silence, probably reminising about the good times. I know I was. You'd think a penguin as old as me wouldn't remember all the little details of someone, but I do. I remember British voice, his cutesy little smile, the twinkle in his eyes when he saw someone do a good deed or a Peanut Butter Winkie. Private was naive and kind. That's how I remember him. Nothing bad enters my mind when I think Private. But that's probably because he saved my life. But in a way, he almost destroyed it. Without him, I was a wreck. I remember the horrible emptiness that flooded inside of me when he first died. But I recovered... Because of Marlene. I will always love her for pulling me out of that. Always.

After we left his grave, we went back to the HQ. The silence filled the room. I couldn't take the silence.

"Hey," Everyone in the room looked at me. "Remember when Private had to dress up like a monkey to bait Savio near us?" A smile rolled across my face as I remembered Private moving around in a silly fashion.

"And remember, when Private had an unbelievable amount of adorability and he made all those people faint from the sheer cuteness?" Everyone started to smile and share their favorite moments with Private. I think I shared the most, since I had so many good memories with him. By the end of the day, we were laughing and sobbing at the same time for both the memories and loss of Private. Marlene hugged all of us before leaving that night. I would've let her stay but I didnt have the heart to give her Private's bed.

Tonight, while the other guys slept, I snuck out of bed. I'm writing in the journal right now and holding Private's favorite Lunacorn doll. I can't help but think about what Private's doing right now. If he's happy. If he misses all of us as much as we miss him. If he's anticipating the day we will join him. Because I know I am. I'm not eager enough to try and get there now, but when the time comes, I will happily go, just to see him again.

A/N: Decided to finish this once and for all. I will be remaking this. This is probably the best idea I've had for a fic and I want it to be in my best work. Expect a remake in the next couple of weeks.


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